When she works out what he needs
by Loz06
Summary: Neil.Andrea. Sequel to 'When the truth is told'. Neil continues to struggle with his teenage son’s moods, Suzie is there to support him. Andrea tries to end things with Smithy and ultimately works out the best way she can help Neil.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: When she works out what he needs

**Author**: Loz

**E-Mail**: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com

**Rating**: K+

**Category**: Neil.Andrea...Who else? Oh and the supporting cast, can't forget them.

**Series**: Story number twenty six. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:

_**(1) **__After he's at her door – 2486705 __**(11)**__ When they're back together – 2619492_

_**(2) **__When the mighty fall – 2506192 __**(12) **__Life almost in balance – 2630121_

_**(3) **__While his wife's away – 2525486__**(13) **__Life under pressure – 2666280_

_**(4) **__While they're away – 2543010 __**(14) **__Trying to have a life together – 2699235_

_**(5) **__When love's not working – 2543013 __**(15) **__Outside influences on their lives – 2704730_

_**(6) **__Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 __**(16) **__When things start falling apart – 2727112_

_**(7) **__What happens on the train – 2579012 __**(17)**__ When they're approaching the end again - 2750079_

_**(8) **__When they work together – 2595808 __**(18) **__Trying not to drift apart – 2891564_

_**(9)**__ When she wants him back – 2598312 __**(19)**__ When the truth comes out - 2912317_

_**(10) **__When they're stuck together – 2611364__** (20) **__How things are going to be – _2954769

_**(21) **__When they work together…again – __2959211__** (22)**__ When Andrea moves on – 3181250_

_**(23)**__ Heart decided – 3188794 __**(24) **__When work takes over – 3198959_

_**(25) **__When the truth is told – 3199261 __**(26) **__When she works out what he needs - _

**Spoilers**: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.

**Archive** (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)loz06

**Feedback**: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.

**Summary: **Neil continues to struggle with his teenage son's moods, Suzie is there to support him. Andrea tries to end things with Smithy and ultimately works out the best way she can help Neil.

**Authors' notes: **I had a really crummy second half of 2006 and wrote like nothing. Here and now I'm trying to start fresh and again.

**Thanks: **For your patience if you've been waiting for this part

**Disclaimers**: I've worked out I need a lot more money than I have to own The Bill, so for now I remain a fan.

* * *

Neil catches the last of Colin making a hasty retreat to his room as he opens the door to the flat the following week. It couldn't have been more obvious what was going on if he'd been caught in the act.

"You know I don't like you doing your homework in front of the television," Neil calls noticing in the scramble Colin managed to switch it off.

"I wasn't," Colin calls back but Neil Manson's son has never had a poker face and never will...his homework has been hastily shoved in the middle of a pile of books and magazines on his desk. Neil visually collects the evidence.

"Are you packed?" His son's suitcase lies open on the floor, items of clothing tossed into it.

"Yeah," Colin says surveying the state of his bag; ironed clothes aren't a high priority.

"You need me to buy anything to take?" Neil looks around at the rest of the room. "Where did you learn to be so messy, it's like you tossed your clothes in the direction of the suitcase hoping they'd go in. You certainly didn't get that from your mother or I."

"It's an organised mess," Colin excuses; he surveys his desk seeing something he needs to distract himself with and proceeds to pick it up.

"So?" Neil prompts, "Do you need me to get anything?"

"No," Colin says slowly as though Neil is mentally impaired. He flips through a magazine taking little notice of the contents of the pages.

"You don't seem so enthusiastic about going," Neil's had this sense for weeks and something tells him it's not just about Julia.

"It's a half term break, it's only a week. There hardly seems a point to going. I'll just get there and have to turn around and come back again," A slight exaggeration Neil knows but not entirely untrue.

"How about she's your mum and you haven't seen her since Christmas," Neil argues, the only reply he gets is a shrug of Colin's shoulders.

"Is there a reason you're so reluctant, is there something going on?" The question he's been going to ask for months and needs an honest answer to.

"No, there's not," Colin says starting a new magazine. Neil grows in confidence that he's lying.

"You haven't spoken much to your mum lately," It was obvious to Neil.

"She's busy, she's not always home when I call. She has her own life," Colin's flippant attitude starts to irritate Neil, his determination growing to find out what's going on.

"She's your mother not a casual friend," Anger seeps into his tone.

"Dad," Colin says as though Neil has gone over the top.

"I get the feeling there's something going on and you can't tell me or you don't want to tell me," Colin stops flicking the pages over, telling Neil one of the two is correct.

"It's nothing dad, really," Colin's protests don't have the weight to knock out his last action and reaction. Neil doesn't have the inclination or energy to fight. He's tired, he doesn't want to farewell Colin with tension between them and he gets the feeling things will come out during this trip.

"Sort it out Colin please, while you're over there. She's your mother and I know she misses you," Neil walks away before receiving any type of reply or reaction.

* * *

He turns the television back onto what Colin was watching but it barely even keeps him company. It doesn't escape him that he used to confide in Andrea when he had a problem with Colin and it's exactly what he wants to do right now, the inclination is great. What holds him back is his absence from the arranged meet at Canley Arms; she deserves to know why he never came, an apology in the least an explanation at most. He's not able to do that yet; still he reaches for the phone dialling the number he knows better than any of his own.

His heart beats loudly as her phone rings; the phone slips a little from his grasp as it becomes obvious she's not there. He jumps when her recorded voice replaces the sound of ringing and just for a second he thought she'd picked up. His mouth is dry as the message ends and the tone indicates he should start talking; he leaves the sound of his light breath on her phone and then slowly depresses the button to end the call. Finally the phone slides out of his hand onto the carpet next to the sofa.

* * *

Andrea returns from her run with Cally, tired and sweaty she ignores the message blinking 'one' and goes straight for the shower. Only when she has regulated the water temperature to her comfort does the thought occur to her it might have been work calling and just because she isn't on call doesn't mean they wouldn't call.

Dripping on the carpet, wrapped in a towel, hair half damp she presses the message button to be greeted with nothing but regular breathing of another human being. The non message doesn't strike her with fear nor does it give her the creeps, she plays it again listening for clues in the background.

Nothing.

She takes a chance picking up the phone and dialling the short number, the woman's recorded voice relays the sweetest combination of numbers that last called Andrea and left the non message...Neil.

She holds the phone against her chest wondering if she should call back, forget the whys and the what for's, she's just glad for the attempted contact. Slowly she replaces the phone knowing she can't push anything, he obviously has things he wants to say but couldn't say them. She's patient, she'll wait, and he deserves to say what he needs to say in his own time.

Her towel is slightly less effective second time around, heavy with water already. It's slim pickings in her underwear drawer, a visual reminder that she's behind on her washing, the basket must be overflowing. She pushes the contents of the messy drawer around, looking for something to put on that doesn't have one leg hole in the garbage bin and that's when her hand brushes over it.

The frame was cheap, its metal cool from residing in the dark but its contents have not cooled in her mind. Andrea pulls out the frame looking at the happy smiles on her face and Neil's, she allows the memories to flow unobstructed. Her fingers press against the glass that covers Neil. It can't go back into hiding.

On her beside table she makes room, it may seem stupid or pre-emptive but she's gotten a tiny bit more hope though she has no idea what Neil wants to say, if anything. She can't bury the photo again, that would be symbolic of what she doesn't want from their relationship.

Out in the open and together again that is.

* * *

"Did you remember your passport?" Neil asks when they're ten minutes from home. Colin is moody, the look on his face well communicates the fact he's not happy about the cross the pond trip.

"Yes, dad," He says as though it's the last question in a long line of nagging ones he's bored with.

"You know no one's forcing you to go," Neil reminds him changing lanes. "You don't have to go."

"Reverse psychology, good one dad," Colin sees right through the attempt. "What about I should go because mum loves me and she misses me, I haven't spoken to her much lately'?"

"Are you angry with me for suggesting you should go and for booking the tickets or because all of those things are right?" Neil takes his eyes off the road for a second to look at Colin and ends up having to break sharply.

"Neither seeing as you're going to kill if this conversation continues," Colin over reacts to deliberately annoy Neil and goes back to sulking out the window. Neil leaves the rest of what he wants to say until he's pulled the car into a parking space outside the international terminal.

Colin immediately goes to spring out of the car and collects his meagre luggage from the back.

"Wait," Neil requests and slowly Colin takes his hand from the door handle. "You said the other day your mum has her own life."

"Oh dad," Colin growls, "If you want to know what mum's doing ask her yourself."

"That's not what I meant," Neil comes back quickly. "She spends time with you when you're there doesn't she?"

"She fits me into her schedule between her work and her..." He pauses and Neil hangs waiting for a reply, "Social life."

Colin makes a fast getaway not that Neil had more questions to ask. Before he gets out of the car and walks with Colin to the terminal he wonders what exactly 'social life' is code for, the two words his son had to pause and presumably come up with.

They move through the time consuming airport formalities, in silence and at the boarding gate Neil realises he's about to put his son on a plane when he's not exactly happy with him, he's running out of time to fix things the longer they sit and Colin sifts through a magazine.

When Colin's flight is called Neil is the first to get up, looking down at his son who gets out of his chair slowly, not really knowing what comes next.

"Give your old dateless dad a hug," And while the joke goes over with Colin like a lead balloon, mid way through the embrace Colin holds him tighter.

"Do me one thing please," Neil requests as Colin picks up his carry on luggage. "Please don't greet your mother like this; she's looking forward to seeing you. Try and work it out if there's a problem."

Colin looks down to his shoes and nods, it's all Neil wanted. "Miss you dad," He says softly and Neil's face comes alive.

"Miss you too," Neil pulls his son in for another embrace. "Have a good time and I'll see you next week," He wishes before Colin disappears onto his flight.

Taking one hand off the steering wheel Neil touches his mobile phone in his jacket breast pocket, he wants to call Andrea.

More than that he wants to go to her, he's now certain there's something going on with Philippa that Colin is too uncomfortable to tell him, he considers it may even be directly about him. Usually he'd tell Andrea all about it, as he had every other aspect of his relationship with Colin in the past; he misses not being able to talk to her. To not be able to call her up or see her, having an outlet for his problems and a calm and soothing voice to tell him he's right and a rational mind to offer him advice.

* * *

By the time he pulls the car up outside the station the situation with Colin consumes his focus and outwardly he appears even moodier and internal than Colin was.

On the way up the stairs Neil stumbles on the third step, too distracted to notice something as benign as where he's walking, he'd almost called Andrea in the car he had his phone out but as much as he wanted and needed to talk about Colin, he couldn't. This thing with Smithy held him back.

"Something on your mind Neil?" Adam Okaro asks coming down the stairs.

"Sir," Neil answers getting back his focus, behind the Super, Sergeant Smith comes down the stairs, Neil immediately scowls.

"Guv," Smithy greets pleasantly only to be met with Neil's scowl, it's the only reply he gets as Neil takes two steps at a time past the sergeant to the top of the stairs. He scowls back at Smithy again who's only started back down the stairs again after looking confused towards Neil because of the snub.

Upstairs CID officers pass Neil in transit and greet him briefly. He hurries through being polite but brief; inside his office he shuts the door and buries himself in work for the rest of the day.

He only gets through about a half an hour of work before the interruptions begin, necessary but annoying he deals with everything quickly and without idle conversation though he should have welcomed the company. Alone with paperwork his mind can't help but wander to Colin and what's bothering him.

"Guv," Neil looks up with the loud rap on the door, he has no idea how long he'd been staring at the paper in front of him for, and as each hour passed he did less work and found himself lost in thought. "Ramani wants me on a job."

He picks up his pen again.

"It's a follow up on Linda and Peter Marshall, Linda Marshall was the victim of domestic violence that came in recently, she never pressed charges so her husband went home to her. Ramani considers her a very vulnerable person so she wants to go around for..." Suzie explains but is cut off.

"Stop," Neil says looking up at Suzie who looks a little shocked and put off. "Suzie I don't need all the details just go and do your job and do it well like you always do," The sharpness in Neil's tone dissipates the more he speaks.

He feels tired from thinking, analysing, pondering and he knows he shouldn't have spoken to Suzie the way he did, it's not about her. He puts his face in his hands knowing she'll call him on it, they've known each other for too long.

"Guv," Comes the reply and Suzie Sim walks out surprised and taken aback by the reaction she just received, it's blatantly obvious to her that there's something wrong.

"What?" Neil snaps answering the phone as soon as it starts ringing, he hadn't been able to watch Suzie walk away although there was no chance he could see the look on her face.

"This is Melanie Carter from Anderson, Fitzpatrick, Lawson, Mr. Manson," The bright and cheerful voice says, Neil sinks, this is the absolute last thing he wants today, and he stays silent, "Mr. Manson?"

"Yes I'm here," Neil says dreading what's coming next.

"Just to let you know your affidavit has gone to the court, we're expecting there'll be a delay before the date of decree comes through, things are backed up at the moment," Neil numbs, the date he'll have to go to court.

"I'll be expected to appear in court that day and Philippa?" He asks.

"No, it's very rare either party needs to attend, in this case it's almost certain to be unnecessary," Her words are no comfort to Neil.

"Thank you," Neil says.

"As usual I'll be in touch," The cheerful voice says and hangs up.

Neil is slow and measured in how he puts the phone down.

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?" Louise asks Andrea as she tries to bypass her at the reception desk.

"Off to round up some horses," Andrea says dryly in response to Louise's 'whoa's'. The office receptionist who was working on something with Louise as Andrea tried to sneak past now seems to take pleasure in the fact Andrea has been busted for sneaking out of work early.

"Cute," Louise says wryly, steering Andrea by the elbow to the top of the stairs where their conversation will be private.

"Come on, it's an hour, do you have any idea how much unpaid over time I do?" Andrea makes her case.

"Oh I didn't mean that," Louise waves her hand to indicate she could care less about the early mark. "I'm just checking you're not off to meet one of two handsome men at Sun Hill maybe both."

"What I have to consult you now?" Andrea teases and then her look falls, "I'm going to catch Smithy before the end of his shift and tell him things are over between us."

"If you want to get a drink after...talk," Louise offers.

"Thanks Louise, you've been a really great friend to me, I'll call you if I do," with the briefest of smiles Andrea heads downstairs.

* * *

"Guv," Suzie knocks hesitantly on Neil's door, expecting the same reaction as before.

"Oh, you're back, how'd it go?" Neil asks still grumpy.

"Fine," Suzie answers cheerfully, it's as much detail as she's willing to go into and all she expects Neil wants to hear.

"What do you need?" Neil says in the same tone, hoping to move things along.

"I've just been handed this case but..." Suzie says hesitantly, she holds out a thin file for Neil to look at.

As Neil quickly scans the witness statement and uniformed officers notes his frown becomes an angry scowl.

"Who gave it to you?" He shakes his head disbelieving as he reads on.

"Amber Johansson." Suzie says, careful to not put bias in her tone.

"Who's the duty Sergeant?" Neil asks closing the file and looking to his DC.

"Sergeant Smith Sir," Suzie says from memory.

"Leave it to me," Neil says as he moves hastily out of his chair and strides out of the office, with each step she can see his blood reaching closer to boiling.

"What is this crap your department has given mine?" Neil starts out calm, letting the slap of the file on the desk in front of Smithy do the indication of how angry he is, "Just because you're downstairs doesn't mean that's where the standard of your work can be."

"Sir?" Smithy says as Neil back tracks and slams the office door, Smithy jumps with the bang as he looks over the file.

"This is the most shoddy set of notes I've ever read, there's no indication of exactly where the incident took place, there's a vague description of the attacker despite your officer apparently coming face to face with him and there are more holes in the witness statement than a censored war letter not to mention the fact they're so large I could drive a lorry through them," It doesn't take Neil long to work up to a yell.

"I don't..." Smithy starts feebly but is cut off.

"And that's all before the spelling and grammatical errors," Neil continues. "We caught up with the fella and he was kickin' the other guy in the guts. He tried to run away so we tackled him to the ground," Neil cites from memory. "Then we arrested him, arrest is spelt a-r-e-s-t."

"I don't know what to say," Smithy says closing the file and staying calm.

"How is my department supposed to pick up a case and solve it when you're pitching me this shit?" The expletive surprises Smithy while it's obvious the DI is over reacting, Smithy hardly ever hears an expletive used by anyone under any circumstances.

"Look," Smithy says standing up.

"Get it fixed Smithy and get it back to me ASAP or it's going to look really bad for you and your officers, on top of which you'll have a snowflakes chance in hell of getting a conviction," Having said what he needs to Neil turns and heads for the door. "What on earth do you do down here all day if something as major as this gets past you. The MET must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel for its bright and young stars these days, thrust into the limelight before they're ready."

Leaving Smithy stunned at the insult, Neil opens the door and strides out, not bothering to close it behind him.

"Gabriel," Smithy calls when the uniformed officer walks past moments later.

"Sarg," He says standing in the doorway.

"Get Amber in here, in two minutes or she can choose another career," Smithy says through gritted teeth. He flops down into his chair, waiting to lambaste Amber for making him look bad to the DI.

Upstairs in his office, Neil shuts the door and forces himself to breathe in deeply twice. He knows he overreacted, that he just tip-toed across the line and lost his balance, falling over it. He also knows it's about the divorce news, about Colin's secret and about every time he looks at the young sergeant he can't help remembering he's been with Andrea and for that he may have no one to blame but himself.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Andrea's not really concentrating on the road, she watches the cars go past and her eyes follow the guide lines but she's not really engaged as much as she should be, she feels bad about what she's about to do.

Smithy's been a good friend, a great friend and although they both know they don't have a future together and they're using one another, deriving comfort and support from one another it doesn't stop Andrea feeling rotten about it.

He's been someone to talk to when she needed it most, he's kept her mind off things she hasn't wanted to think about and he deserves better.

She wishes it could be any other way but for them both, this is the best thing. She just doesn't want to have to be the one to say it or do it.

Andrea suddenly comes back to concentration, the angry red lights of the car in front of her come on and she breaks heavily, her car stopping with a jolt. It's more than enough to shock her into concentration rather than wandering through thoughts of self pity.

Out the front of the station Andrea sees Neil's car. She purposely doesn't park behind him and hopes that she won't run into him inside. It's not that she doesn't want to; she has to do this and doesn't want to be derailed by his presence.

Things are still raw between them, time apart though it's hard sometimes in their jobs, it's what they need.

She tries to smile as she walks into reception that's empty, "Hello JT." She announces her presence, the SRO nearly runs from what he's doing to the front counter Andrea leans against.

"Andrea, just the person I want to see," He says enthusiastically leaning towards her.

"Oh yeah?" Andrea welcomes the distraction and delay.

"How many editors does it take to replace a light bulb?" JT asks eyes shining, Andrea's about to let him down with a thud though.

"Well that depends," Andrea starts cheekily, "One to change the bulb and three to review it or one to change the bulb and four to distort the facts."

"Aww, you're no fun, you know them all," JT protests, only mildly annoyed he couldn't catch Andrea out.

"Here's one," Andrea starts. "A reporter sent an email to a noted astronomer asking him for five hundred words on whether there was life on Mars, the astronomer replies with 'nobody knows' two hundred and fifty times."

JT laughs heartedly out loud and despite telling the joke dozens of times herself and having had it land in her email a dozen more she still smiles.

"We have this one on our desks at work, 'You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you, anything you don't say will be made up'." Andrea recites in the voice she would use if arresting someone.

"Ooh I like that one..," JT coos. "So who are you here to see?" He's a gossip if nothing else.

"Just a follow up on the documentary thing," Andrea lies easily.

"When are we going to see our buff, brave officers on screen?" JT editorialises a little himself.

"Soon," Andrea smiles though she doesn't really know, JT unlocks the security door and she breezes through smiling. On the other side of the door the smile drops from Andrea's face.

"Hey you busy?" Andrea says quietly at the door to the Sergeants' office, the filing cabinet drawer slams shut as Smithy turns around.

"I wasn't until about an hour ago, then cyclone Amber Johansson struck," He says angrily and then instantly calms like it's a switch he can turn on and off. "What are you doing here?" It's kind, not accusative.

"Came to see you," Andrea slips inside the office and closes the door, Smithy looks up and smiles, relieved something good's coming along, "We need to talk," Andrea says despite the fact the words make her sick.

"Can we go out for a drink?" Andrea wavers, about to knock him back, "I've had a rotten day; the DI was down here an hour ago, tore shreds off me and had them with his tea when he got back to his office."

"What about?" Andrea asks sitting down in a spare chair.

"Amber and her half baked case notes and witness statement; sure it was sloppy and lazy but..." Smithy trails off.

"But what?" Andrea pushes, she needs to know, and she needs to know if it had anything to do with this triangle between the three of them, as much as she abhors the reference. Is it just a work thing or is he taking a few frustrations and annoyances out on Smithy.

"He swore and insulted me," Smithy shrugs as if it's of no consequence but it rings alarm bells with Andrea.

"You seen Phil?" Neil asks Suzie hastily, approaching her desk.

"Downstairs in custody," She guesses looking strangely at Neil.

"Thanks." He says his legs having already carried him two steps away. He'd never do this before, when it was just Philippa and himself, he'd just keep it inside and not deal with it, contributing to his unhappiness. Now he is happy, or not so long ago he was and life is more complicated and he needs to talk to someone, Andrea has always been first choice but right now...

Though his eye catches the office scene it doesn't register with his brain till he's walked past. He stops, staring ahead wondering if it's just a trick given his current state of mind. When he turns around he can see her through the rectangular piece of glass, he shuffles forward, she's sitting across from Smithy, they're talking but the topic doesn't seem to be anything light hearted. He stares for a moment watching them, insecurity and doubt creeping through every pore no matter how much he tries to stop it.

She'd said it was over, she'd said it meant nothing; they were helping each other through rough times...that she was using him.

So what's she doing sitting across from him now?

"Guv?" Phil Hunter's voice makes Neil jump, he turns looking to his DS friend and confidant, "You need to talk to Smithy about something?"

Phil cranes his neck to see into the office, his look changes when he sees its occupants, he leans back slowly.

"I'm sorry Neil," Phil's sincere and apologetic; he knows what the meeting may mean for his boss.

"Yeah," Neil says absently, unable to drag his eyes away.

"You know it's probably just business," Phil tries to reassure Neil, it's what he'd been telling himself the entire time he'd been standing outside the door, he hadn't convinced himself yet, "You want to talk?" Phil offers.

Suddenly it's the last thing Neil wants.

"Let's just leave it hey Phil," Neil rushes through his words and past his DS, upstairs to his office again to bury himself in more work in some vein hope it will distract him.

"I'll see you in an hour," Andrea arranges to meet Smithy as she walks out the door. She looks up to come eye to eye with Phil.

"I thought you stopped seeing him," Phil accuses immediately falling into pace with Andrea.

"I have, it was business, not that it's any of yours," Andrea starts to feel cagey about the lie to Phil. On top of the fact she never ended things with Smithy just then, quite the opposite in meeting for a drink.

"It didn't look like business," Phil strides with her.

"Look Phil if you must know I've had a hard day, he's had a hard day, and Neil tore him to bits over something so we're going for a drink as colleagues that's all and if I find out what's up with Neil that'll be a bonus," Andrea snaps.

"Neil's problem is Smithy and you're going out drinking with him," Phil points out rudely and Andrea stops.

"Neil's problem is his son and his divorce as well," Andrea defends herself.

"He thinks he might lose you to Smithy," Phil exclaims exasperated, it stops Andrea but she doesn't say what Phil thinks she will.

"I've asked you before to stay out of it Phil, so stay out of it," Andrea stalks off her mood dipping further, now she's got Phil the couples councillor and his words of truth and the fact she didn't end things with Smithy, detoured by his encounter with Neil, to live with.

* * *

"Still here?" Neil says conversationally later that night as he heads from his office to the outer CID office. As the hours passed he started to feel better, consuming himself in what he had to do.

"You are," Suzie counters as Neil drops the paperwork into a tray.

"I've got too much to finish," Neil excuses though he could easily leave what he's doing, it's not urgent.

"Yeah me too," Suzie says sounding unconvinced and annoyed at his swinging mood as well as his denial.

"I'm sorry about today when I was sharp with you...you do good work Suzie," A rare compliment as Neil stands in his office doorway.

"I know," Suzie says simply, coming to stand opposite him, "I don't know about you though."

"What do you mean?" Neil's too tired for cryptic games and he knows Suzie would never dare insult him, she has too much respect.

"I've been getting mixed vibes from you all day Neil," Exactly where Neil doesn't want to go, he can't, Andrea is still a secret.

"Well I'm your line manager Suzie, not your councillor," He's professional but not kind, trying to put her off course.

"See you tomorrow then sir," Crankily she grabs her jacket and starts to put it on with the intention of heading out. Suzie doesn't take crap or avoid things and she dislikes being kept out when she wants to help.

"I'm sorry," Neil smiles, "It's just this stuff in my life and..." He wonders how far to go, "There's no one..," Suzie's back next to him in the doorway.

"It's lonely in the office and in life," Suzie says as they both look out across the empty desks. He realises he knows little of Suzie's personal life; her words give him some indication though.

As Suzie looks to Neil she recognises the fact she's never once seen him look sad, "Yeah but it won't last forever, at least for you there's light at the end of the tunnel." It's cryptic but at the moment Neil can't see a light in his, what with Andrea and possibly Smithy.

"I don't mean to pry but are things still bad at home?" Suzie looks to Neil asking carefully, "I heard about your divorce and your wife leaving."

Amongst other things that have affected him more deeply, Neil thinks as he presses his lips together looking down, it's all the answers Suzie needs.

"Oh Neil," Suzie says and he takes her comforting and supportive hand on his neck. She's set herself up exactly where he needs someone to be, someone who cares and is willing to listen. He can't deny he needs it now.

"You go, get yourself home," He instructs without authority, he can't confess all to Suzie he'd have to be too general and she'd want more details.

The sound from the back of Suzie's throat suggest there's no way that will happen, her hand drops and he misses the contact.

Neil swallows, "You've earned it," It's no lie.

Suzie shakes her head, sliding her hand back, "What kind of a friend would that make me?"

"One that respects another's wishes?" Neil suggests feeling the gentle and slight caress on his neck. In part it serves only to make him miss Andrea more. In her absence he takes comfort from the innocent touch from Suzie.

"Come on, I'll take you out for a drink, leave this it'll all still be here tomorrow," Suzie encourages, she's right about work.

"Nah, I'd be terrible company," Neil declines though he knows he should never have turned away from Phil earlier and he should take Suzie up on her offer now.

"Tomorrow night," Suzie tries again.

"You won't give up," Neil almost smiles, "Tomorrow night."

"Good," Suzie says but she's not satisfied, "You'll be alright now won't you?"

"I've just got a little more to do then I'm finished and out of here," Neil says unsure of whether it's the truth or not, he feels he could easily just power on through the night, continuing the distraction.

"See you tomorrow then," Suzie smiles shyly and lefts herself up onto her toes to brush her lips over his cheek. "Don't stay too long," She says when she lets herself down.

"I won't," Neil assures her, watching her slip out of the CID office, black suit on a dark room and night.

Neil doesn't head home for another two hours; he takes work home with him.

* * *

Neil pushes open his flat door looking into its depths from the front door, it's dark and cold and generally unwelcoming. He walks through the dark not bothering with any lights, flicking the door closed behind him.

He actually wonders where Colin is for a moment; searching for a conversation that morning that will shed light, he remembers quickly his son is a continent away. The one comfort he has is that he didn't call out for Colin.

Neil drops his keys, wallet, tie and work folder on the sofa, the short drive home has cured him of any desire to do more work. He doesn't even bother with the mail he had hastily tossed aside this morning before heading into work early. He enjoys less and less being alone, having had people in his life for too long.

Suzie was right, life is lonely and the office is as well, at least there, there are distractions and that's exactly the reason he's been starting early and finishing late recently.

Both food and television hold no appeal for him, he instead pulls off his jacket and drops onto the bed where he switches on the first only light for the entire night, the bedside table lamp.

He digs his head into the pillow in an attempt to find the most comfortable sleeping position but even after a few minutes with his eyes closed and body still he doesn't feel himself down shift a gear one bit, let alone relax through the steps that seem to come before blissful unconscious sleep.

Frustrated he turns around and looks at the clock, when he's like this it usually means one of a few things, there's something he hasn't said or done and his body won't unwind until he does it. There are so many possibilities right now and all of them can't be solved before the sun rises again the next morning. In some stretch of hope he goes to turn off the lamp thinking it might be his problem, the clock announces it's after midnight but it's the soft leather bound cover of Andrea's diary that captures his attention more than the notification of the later hour.

He picks it up and holds it above him as he lies on his back, running his free hand down the cover. His fingers curl over the edge of the cover in preparation to open it but he can't. As much as he may want to his hands won't pull back the leather cover to reveal the truths inside.

There's still so many things about Andrea that are raw, her deception, the responsibility he feels for her taking solace in Smithy and the renewed anger and confusion from seeing her with Smithy today. It hurts to but he puts the diary back on the bedside table and turns the light out.

No more than ten minutes later the phone begins to ring, he expects it to be Colin, having forgotten about the difference in time zones. He reaches behind him fumbling for the phone and bringing it to his ear.

"You always forget about the time zones, it's after midnight," Neil says with a laugh in his voice but it's met with silence, it doesn't take him long after that to realise it's a local call, "Hello?"

"It's not Colin," The feminine voice says and Neil breathes in sharply.

"I saw you in the office with Smithy today," He knows why he said it; he needs to hear from her what she was doing.

"It was work," Andrea replies levelly, this is not what she called about and she is surprised he saw her; she thought she went unnoticed...then it dawns on her, Phil Hunter and his big mouth, not staying out of things.

"Yeah, I figured," Neil replies unconvinced...Neither can fill the silence that ensues.

"Well I have to go," Neil says realising how ridiculous it sounds but he can't stand the awkwardness he has with her.

"Got to see a man about a dog?" She suggests without humour, a subtle pointer to what hour it is and the fact she suspects he has nothing to do, just wants to get off the phone. At this point it hardly worries her, she called to ask him if he needed to talk, if his out burst at Smithy this afternoon was about her or just work. She's not going to ask now, it's clear he's not in the mood and she should have realised over the phones not the way to address these things either.

"Case file actually, given to me shoddily done the first time, it had to be redone," Neil lies and Andrea knows exactly what he's talking about, Smithy had gone in-depth into his afternoon.

"Well I won't keep you then," Andrea sounds disappointed and after a few seconds of listening to him breathe she hangs up without saying goodbye.

Neil drops the phone onto the empty side of the bed, what should be Andrea's side of the bed. He regrets being short with her during their brief conversation, in a rush to get off the phone. It took guts to call him and see it through until he answered; he hadn't managed that in the past. He didn't even ask her what she was calling about. He now blames himself entirely for Smithy; he has this conversation as proof of his behaviour that serves to push her away.

It takes a long time for him to drop off to sleep and he's up and at work early the next morning.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Andrea sighs and tosses down the phone on the empty side of her bed, the side that should be inhabited by Neil. She stares across the room thinking, despite the hour she wants to go to Neil, it's clear he needs to talk, there's something bothering him and if he has to unload on her about her visit to Smithy, she's willing to take it if it helps. She'd been thinking about calling him for hours, since she was sitting at the pub with Smithy.

The padding of four small feet on the carpet enters the room, seconds later Cally jumps up onto the bed scratching with her paw at the sheets till they're crumpled the way she wants them at which time she promptly plops herself down next to Andrea.

"Where have you been?" Andrea asks, on cue Cally licks her lips, "Ahh the water bowl," Andrea realises and she strokes down Cally's back, soothing down her shiny coat.

"What do you think's wrong with Neil hey?" Andrea asks obviously not expecting an answer; it takes her a few short minutes to come up with the answer.

"You know I think Neil needs a visit from you," Andrea runs her hand over Cally's floppy ears. "He needs to talk but Colin's not home at the moment. I think I should take you around there," Andrea keeps talking to her pet.

"Can't keep you all to myself, you are ours," The word ours makes Andrea's eyes mist over.

She presses a kiss to the top of Cally's head and lies down turning out the bedside table lamp. Andrea sleeps easily having made a decision she feels is the right thing to do. Thoughts of not breaking things off with Smithy are far from her mind.

* * *

Gina Gold looks up startled when her office door shuts suddenly the next morning. Yvonne answers her presence with the door and slides in the chair opposite Gina's desk.

"You look pleased with yourself," Gina comments though Yvonne's not wearing a smile.

"I was at the pub last night..," Yvonne starts only to be derailed.

"Not an unusual occurrence," Gina smiles with her joke.

"Thank you ma'am, anyway Smithy was there..," Yvonne pauses for effect.

"Well come on, I'm flapping in the wind out here," Gina says impatiently.

"With Andrea Dunbar," Yvonne says with effect.

"Oh great..," Gina makes out like it's a big deal. "I don't care," Yvonne is immediately cut down. "She's gone, she can date whomever she likes, publicity wise a sergeant is better than an inspector but I guess she's the master of the publicity domain now," Though Gina's in no way rude, Yvonne feels lets down by the lack of interest when they'd talked so much on the topic in the past.

Silently Yvonne stands and heads to the door, "Oh Yvonne." She turns to see a wide smile on Gina Gold's face, "Did they look close?"

Yvonne matches her smile and sits back down.

* * *

"You're not looking as down today as I would have expected," Louise jogs to catch up with Andrea in the car park, the material of her suit swishes, her bag thumps against her body and her heels click.

"I didn't do it," Andrea says confidently, for the first time she's happy with her decision. She should have broached the subject in the office that evening but for Neil she's glad she didn't because she would never have realised Neil is in need of someone to talk to. A role she feels she should fill.

"Uh oh," Louise replies only to have Andrea smile over at her, "You chickened out again."

"No; I ended up talking to Smithy about Neil."

"You what?" Louise says disbelieving.

"Neil cut Smithy down a peg or two that afternoon; I needed to know why, what the reason was behind it," Andrea explains, "We went down to the pub and talked."

"You mean personal or otherwise," Louise deciphers.

"Neil needs to talk to someone right now," Andrea explains her diagnosis, "And it should be me."

"Are you sure, you know from past experience you're not impartial and you could find yourself having to say something or in a situation you don't want to be in," Louse reminds her.

Andrea gives no reply.

"Just be..," Louise searches for the right word, "Not careful, just..."

"Whatever it is I will," Andrea promises.

* * *

"Did Suzie say anything to you about where she was going?" Neil asks Phil as he steps inside his office. Phil had been searching through some paperwork nearby when Neil called him in.

"Something about Linda Marshall, a vulnerable person," Phil is hazy in his recollection; it makes sense to Neil though.

"Thanks Phil," Neil says by way of dismissing him. He lingers however, contemplating whether or not to tell Neil about his conversation with Andrea. It could serve to put Neil's mind at ease...or the opposite.

"Was there something else Phil?" Neil asks as his phone starts to ring, he picks it up immediately and Phil gets the message loud and clear, now's not the time.

"No Guv," Phil says though Neil is already taking the call, as a courtesy he closes the office door on his way out.

"No I'll be right down," Neil tells JT on the other end of the phone. Back at his desk Phil watches his boss and friend hurry out of the office, he can't help but wonder what's so urgent, obviously not business so is it Andrea?

Neil wonders what the visit is about as he pushes the doors open.

"Julia," Neil says across reception seeing his son's girlfriend sitting nervously on the edge of her seat.

"Oh Mr. Manson, I'm sorry to have dragged you from your work, I keep telling myself I'm over reacting but I just can't help feeling," The words tumble out of Julia's mouth too fast.

"Slow down and come in here," Neil points her to the outer interview room. "Now start again, slowly," He requests once they have privacy.

"Colin called me last night, he sounded so strange over the phone, I asked him if he was homesick, if he missed me, if I'd done something and he said no to all those thing but he wouldn't tell me what's wrong, he's usually not so withdrawn and quiet, I mean he's not usually loud but..." Julia runs out of words and desperately looks to Neil for information or reassurance.

"I've noticed too," Julia's muscles unclench, tension dissipating. "I think there's something going on with his mother but he won't tell me either," Neil explains, "He was quiet and withdrawn on the way to the airport, he didn't seem keen to go at all, did he give you any clues?"

"No he just told me he's fine but I can tell from his voice," Julia explains and then searches her memory of the conversation. "He wouldn't want me to tell you this but he told me he didn't want to go, that was a week ago."

"I'm not shocked by that," Neil sighs sitting back in his chair.

"I asked him why not and he just said betrayal," Julia hesitates before confessing to Neil.

"Betrayal, that's it?" Neil asks sitting forward in his chair, forearms on the desk.

"He wouldn't tell me anymore, he tried to change the topic," A thought then occurs to Neil.

"I know this is none of my business but the two of you are alright aren't you?"

"He told me he loved me before he left," Julia says and Neil draws a sharp breath at the fact things are progressing with his son and his girlfriend fast. He wonders if they need to revisit the topic of having a 'talk'. While Neil trusts Colin and is happy for him, he fears he may be confused by the divorce and on top of that Neil feels obligated as it's the proper thing to do as a father.

"I've never known Colin to be manipulative like that, let alone with anyone's feelings and if he was guilty of something and covering you'd see it. He skipped away from the TV the other night where he was doing his homework and it was written all over his face," Neil smiles trying to reassure her.

"Yeah, I'm not worried about that," Julia says quietly.

"I've tried to get him to open up but he tells me as well there's nothing wrong," Neil pauses. "I'll call him tonight."

"Please don't tell him I came to you," Julia almost begs.

"I won't but you should think about telling him yourself before maybe he figures it out," Neil advises. "Don't ever worry about coming to see me at work or calling me anytime, for anything."

Julia smiles, seemingly feeling better about having told Neil her concerns.

"Do you need a lift home?" Neil offers standing up.

"Thanks but it's not too far," Neil opens the door for her as she pulls on her jacket.

"Enjoy the rest of your break," Neil wishes.

"Mr. Manson," It makes Neil feel old. "Can I come to the airport when you pick up Colin?"

"Sure, I'll call your mum and let you know when I'll pick you up," He watches Julia head out of the building, now saddled with new concerns.

He thought Colin was behaving the way he is now, only when he was with him and that didn't cause too much concern. Now it seems whatever is wrong with Colin is constantly accompanying him,

Upstairs in the office Neil picks up the phone and almost calls his son, he doesn't...knowing he could never justify such a call charged to the MET and the chance of interruption is high. He makes it first priority when he gets home but thinks about it for the rest of the afternoon none-the-less.

"I'll be finished in a half an hour," Suzie stands in the doorway later that evening, Neil looks up to her, he'd totally forgotten about his promise to have a drink with her tonight.

"Oh Suzie, I..." Calling Colin to check on him has to be top priority he reminds himself.

"Oh no Neil, you're not wiggling out of it," She mock scolds him. "Work can wait and anything else will as well," She's right with the time difference it can be late when Neil calls.

"Half an hour," He agrees, on the upside a few hours or so of casual socialisation will keep his mind off everything.

* * *

When Suzie gets to the pub Neil is standing at the bar already, he puts down an empty glass and picks up another taking a mouthful. It took a bit to get himself to the pub; he figured he should make the most of it and have a few drinks to relax.

"Neil, sorry I'm late," Suzie says cheerfully approaching the bar. "You started without me," She says surprised.

"Well I've had a couple," Neil feels a little guilty suddenly, he doesn't want to wipe out all memories just become distracted and he has gotten a little carried away. The last few days to a week have felt like it's been one thing on top of another. "What do you want, a vodka and tonic?" Neil offers.

"Yeah," Suzie says and Neil signals to the woman behind the bar.

"So how'd you go with Linda Marshall today?" Neil asks half-heartedly, though he's not interested in talking about work at all, it beats the alternative. There's not much going on in his life he can talk to Suzie about right now, as much as she may want him to.

"Ramani's really worried about her, her husband's abusing her again, she's totally isolated, she refuses to seek help or talk to anyone, I don't think it's the last we'll see of her," Suzie is enthusiastic but partway through Neil realises he doesn't want to talk about work and speaks over the top of her.

"I tell you what let's talk about it tomorrow, that's enough about work for now," Suzie looks taken aback at his request. "I just want to relax," Neil says taking another mouthful of his drink.

"Shall we sit?" Neil suggests.

"O.k.," Suzie agrees. She indicates to the sofa in front of the fire, it's one of the things she likes about this pub, that and its original wooden floorboards that creak under her weight.

"You o.k.?" Suzie asks as they sit down, it's exactly what Neil doesn't want to talk about. He's not ok.

"Who me?" Neil asks in a pathetic attempt to deflect the question.

"Yes you, not wanting to talk about work. You've only been eating, sleeping and breathing it lately," Not much gets past Suzie and she'd noticed a change in Neil's work habits since around New Year's.

"Yeah well," Neil says pathetically, he knows why he's keeping the work habits he is, Suzie's probably figured it out as well.

"Is something wrong? You were the first one in this morning and now you're staying late for a drink Neil," She has noticed and she's not about to let him avoid an explanation.

"No, it's nothing much," Neil lies and then relents a little, "Things are just a bit difficult. Life was a lot more simple when we were at Stafford Row weren't it?" He congratulates himself on the deflection to their shared history. He won't let himself get anywhere near talking about Andrea.

Suzie smiles, "Yes."

"Now it's like everything is crumbling around me you know. My son is growing up and away from me. My marriage is over and I'm compensating for that failure by working, even that's a mess. On top of it all I'm soon to be alone," Neil pauses for a moment and then laughs once, "Who am I kidding I am alone."

"That bad?" Suzie asks gently.

"That bad," Neil repeats and takes a drink.

"Life goes through rocky patches sometimes..." Suzie broaches though it's no comfort to Neil who's in the middle of it.

"I had an affair," Neil says suddenly staring into the fire. He had promised himself he wasn't going to talk but he felt the need to tell Suzie all of a sudden. In some warped way for him he wonders if maybe he needs a female point of view, as good as Phil is. More likely it's the vodka and tonics that have loosened him up and his tongue, enough that he feels inclined to talk.

Suzie says something as Neil drains the last of his drink. He sighs, "Gonna get a drink," and stands up and heads to the bar before Suzie can reply. His tongue's not as lubricated as he first thought, the prospect of Suzie's reply he's not prepared for yet. He needs a few seconds to recover from blurting it out, to prepare himself for what she may say or ask.

"Is this affair over?" Suzie asks carefully when Neil has sat back down next to her again.

"Oh it's over, she betrayed me. Ironic thing to happen in an affair isn't it?" Neil points out.

"I suppose, I don't know..." Suzie is honest. "I'm sorry."

"She was a police officer at Sun Hill," Neil is measured; it feels good to talk, even in this cryptic general way. Suzie's face shows she's searching for an answer or person.

"She left not long after we split up," Neil offers another clue.

"Andrea? Was it Andrea?" Suzie guesses and Neil can only nod, he'll have to be careful now with details.

"Oh I don't know what to say Neil," Suzie says sympathetically, Neil takes some comfort from it.

"I was shattered after her betrayal. I'm trying to find a way to forgive her and trust her again," Neil leaves a silence, he wants to go on. "I want her back, I love her, I know that for sure but there's so much going on for me personally right now. For a little longer I'm still connected to Philippa so it would be the same as having an affair like we were and I want better for her than that."

"Only you can deal with that," Suzie says softly.

"My place is empty and lonely. It's a flat and it's still big and cold. It's not a home; I thought it would just be a transition place before moving to another place, Andrea's, a home. But all I have now is no Colin, he's away in the USA, he has his own life when he's here and right now there's something bothering him he can't or won't tell me about, something to do with Philippa."

Neil puts his head in his one free hand; Suzie reaches out her hand and encloses her fingers around his wrist, her thumb gently stroking his hand, "I can understand why you don't want to go home."

Neil's hand drops with Suzie still attached.

"I don't know what to do, and then there's this damn job, we put up with all this crap and at the end of the day...to not have someone to care for you, for you to care about, to talk to, share with, unload on..."

Suzie's hand immediately rests on Neil's shoulder; he looks down into his lap. "Hey I care about you. You've been nothing but a good friend to me. You've helped me through some really tough times at Stafford Row. I don't forget," She can see the pain Neil's in and she's always felt she's owed him.

He thought he might feel better but talking with Suzie has only dragged things up that were dulled by the alcohol. He wants to stop now.

"Thanks...Oh I've just got to find a way of dealing with this," Neil pulls himself back, trying to get back to normal. Normal is not thinking about things, normal is pushing it aside and trying to bury it with other menial things. "Suzie I need you to do something for me," Neil says quietly.

"Sure, anything," She's obliging.

"No one knows about Andrea and I, I'd like it to remain that way," There's little chance Suzie and Phil will cross one another on the subject and Neil knows he can trust Suzie explicitly.

"Of course but listen to me. Whenever you need someone to talk to, you come straight to me, ok?" She's sincere and wants to help but Neil's sure this is the last time they will talk.

"Okay," Neil agrees to appease Suzie. Since she'd arrived it struck her that Neil looked tireder than usual and as though he had no fight left in him

"Come here," Suzie encourages and opens her arms. Neil does the same, as soon as he's there things change, she kisses him on the cheek and Neil does the same in return. He gets caught up in the moment, in the feel of her arms around him, in the fact she cares about him. He hurting and she's offering him comfort without conditions. Comfort he needs.

He inches his lips closer to Suzie's and for a moment she's moving into the kiss as well. Their lips meet in a close mouthed kiss.

With sudden movement Suzie stops them from going any further, jerking her head back and out of their embrace.

"I won't let you do this," Suzie shakes her head. "You'll feel crappy after you've done it and this isn't the way to get over whatever you need to or to stop feeling whatever you are," Neil is confused and not sure what he's doing. He doesn't feel this way about Suzie; he would never normally try and kiss her. Theirs is the strongest friendship Neil has other than with Andrea. He can't even put Colin before them. He doesn't want to destroy it and he doesn't want...

He asks himself how he can be mad about Smithy if he's just gone and tried to do the same thing. Drinking wasn't the way to go about it either; it only dug him in deeper trouble.

Neil holds his head down.

"If you need someone to talk to, you've been there for me and I will be for you. But I've got to work for you, Andrea doesn't, so we can't have this happen, it can't go further than it has and you don't really want it to anyway, it would change everything, you don't feel that way about me and I don't about you. You need to work it out Neil, you deserve to be happy."

Neil knew these things before he came here, before he started drinking and he's glad she stopped him. He got carried away and thought it would help. Instead he fell into the old trap of drinking himself into depression. Andrea was there to pick him up last time, is there an irony, they're both the reason for his binge and Andrea's not here.

"So do you," Neil says and then goes for his vodka and tonic.

"No, I'm going to take you home. Come on I'll get you a cab," Suzie offers helping Neil up though he's walking fine.

"Suzie I..." Neil starts as she gets him a cab.

"Tomorrow Neil," She cuts him short as his cab pulls up. Neil doesn't protest as he gets in and gives the driver the address of his flat. "Take care," She wishes as the driver pulls away from the curb.

* * *

Neil's thoughts rattle as much as his cab does and at one point he leans forward to give the driver Andrea's address. A strange look is shot at him in the rear view mirror when he leans back again; he deflects it by looking at his shoes. As much as he wants to he can't go around there, even if it is still early.

He can't knock on her door, emotions heightened by alcohol and put her through it all again. She doesn't need to hear he loves her, she knows. He doesn't need to apologise for his marriage mess, he's done it so many times already. He doesn't need to explain he was devastated by her confession, she knew she would be putting him through what he went through before she told him. She's gotten the hint that he's trying to trust her again. She's seen the guilt in his eyes from the fact he feels he pushed her to Smithy, if only he hadn't have told her it was over and sent her away that night, if only he'd have listened and tried to be understanding.

Neil passes over the fare and a generous tip to the driver and shuffles his way to his block of flats, thinking he must be a very sad sight.

He can hear his phone ringing inside when he gets to the front door, Colin is the only one he could imagine would be calling him, one thing had been blocked by the night, the fact he meant to call his only son and child and make sure he's alright.

He pulls everything out of his pockets looking for his keys as the phone continues to call attention to itself. Change rains to the floor and remains there as Neil fumbles and bumbles searching for the cordless phone, not in its usual place. He picks it up off the top of the TV accepting the call before he even gets it to his ear.

"Neil," Andrea's sweet voice comes down the line. "I was starting to think you weren't there."

He breathes in deeply with the slightest gasp like she'd winded him with the call. How did she know tonight he needed to talk to her, even better would prefer to see her. "I'm glad you called, I'm sorry about last night...how I was on the phone to you," He hopes the sincerity in his voice is enough.

"Are you ok?" The concern in her voice heartens him. For Andrea it's all she can say, to go any further or be specific would let Neil know she knows about how he was with Smithy.

It ties neatly now with his apology and manner on the phone last night. She's not about to muddy the waters with something Neil doesn't need to know, though she despises lying to him now there are some things, all be it totally innocent like her drink with Smithy, that would set things back. The fact that she was there primarily to find out about Neil would be lost on him, especially when she'd told him things with Smithy were done.

"I'm fine," Neil says sitting down on the edge of the bed, in the silence that ensues Neil knows she's waiting for the truth, he can't keep much from her. "Actually I'm not," His voice is raw.

"I didn't think so," Andrea replies gently.

"I want to see you," The same raw tone, voice steeped in emotion with the words almost whispered.

"We can't," Andrea says regretfully. "I don't trust myself and neither do you," He can't lie, if he were to go over there, he'd want to end up being held by her, comforted by her, making love to her and Andrea would be a more than willing participant, there's no way she would stop him. They can't be together right now, there's just too much floating between them.

"Just to talk?" Neil tries anyway, testing the waters. He'd feel better if Andrea wavers, if she hesitates and almost says yes.

"Remember what happened the last time we agreed on that?" She reminds him, skilfully dodging the outright answer.

"Wasn't so bad was it?" Neil asks nostalgically. "Didn't turn out so bad for both of us."

"Best conversation I ever had," Andrea answers quietly, on the other end Neil knows she's smiling.

"Me too," Though the last bit of information is not new to each other, nor are they strangers to the soft affectionate tones of voice they use with one another.

"Are you working tomorrow?" Immediately Neil wonders what the question is a precursor to.

"I don't think I will be," Neil half laughs with the private knowledge of his alcohol soaked state and the way he knows he'll feel in the morning. They statements pings with Andrea however and she wishes she was privy to the context of the statement.

"You should come over in the morning, say nine," She expects Neil to answer yes enthusiastically, not realising she plans not to be there.

"You sure?" Neil confirms, not oblivious to the unusual situation.

"Yeah, it'll help you," Andrea returns in a gentle caring voice.

"I will be there then."

"O.k.," Andrea leaves a pause. "Goodnight Neil."

"Goodnight," He says slowly and puts the phone down feeling clearer. He turns his eyes to the clock, it's still early enough in New York and he feels better about calling Colin now, the call from Andrea lifted him a little. Neil dials the ridiculously long number and counts twenty rings no one picks up.

It doesn't concern him as much as it might have a few hours ago.

* * *

To be continued...In the next story. Story ID 


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